So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
