I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
