were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
