Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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