Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
