So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize