also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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