I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
