I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
