I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
