As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
