I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
