When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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