She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
