remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
