i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
