...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
