I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
