Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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