Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
