Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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