the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
