You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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