yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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