we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
