ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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