dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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