you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
