he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
