It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
