Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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