She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
