you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
