Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
