Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
