i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
