The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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