Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have post one night stand depression
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
