im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
