Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
