She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
