We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
