I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize