She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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