This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
