my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
