New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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