the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
