people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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