maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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