Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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