I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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