I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
