So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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