Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I cut my penus on the lid.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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