woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
