I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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