it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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