shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
