Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
