i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
