I'm jealous of your bromance
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How's work?
Spinning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize