Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
