finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
